Because Mondays Suck Ass

I thought I could bring some cheer to your otherwise chronically sucking Monday. From my good friend, David, please enjoy the hilariousness...

:-)

You can be the strange one. Yes you can!

Today with a TheraFlu hangover, 4 hours of sleep, a stomach full of tea, and a 13 hour day in front of me, I'm entertaining myself (and I guess you) by coming up with a list of things you can do to pass the time. This is my original list and to the best of my knowledge none of these items have appeared on any list before in any circulation. If that proves to be untrue, please let me know and I'll remove it. Here goes....

10 Things You Can Do to Entertain Yourself at Work

1. Yell from your office, or desk, "That's what I'm talking about! Hell yea!". When someone comes to find out what the fuss is about say, "I did a spell check and it didn't find any errors".

2. Go into the bathroom and pull enough toilet paper from the roll to stick down the back of your pants/skirt/dress and drag about 5 feet behind you on the floor. When someone alerts you to your "trail", tell them that you were just thinking ahead. If they give you a blank stare, lean in and say, "its better than spotting"

3. Before you go to work, buy two 12-packs of dentyne gum. In front of one or many people, pop out all 12 pieces and put them in your mouth. Chew for a few seconds and then pretend to check your breath. Look disappointed in the smell and pull the second pack out of your pocket. Start popping some pieces out into your hand and then look up to see who's looking. Act secretive and walk away.

4. Ask the secretary for one paper clip. A few minutes later, go back and ask her for one more paper clip. Repeat until she offers more. Decline and take just one more. Return every few minutes to ask for another one. Keep assuring her that you wont be back for another.

5. When someone who annoys you at work is printing something the same time you are and the printer is out of paper, reload the paper one sheet at a time. If they voice their displeasure at your pace, point to the note from management/facilities/other instructing that paper be loaded one sheet at a time until further notice (you printed this earlier).

6. Randomly walk past someones desk and ask, "Are you heading to that meeting?". Before they answer, keep walking (works best by a door). As you're walking away say, "I'm on my way there now. See you there". If they follow you, head to the bathroom.

7. Tape two pennies to a post-it note and write "Thanks anyway" on it and leave it on someones desk you can see or hear from where you are. Claim ignorance if they ask who left it there.

8. Put strips of double-sided tape under a person's mouse on their desk and see how long they struggle to move it.

9. Take a bunch of paper clips and form the words "We're watching you" on someones desk. After they freak out, let them in on the joke (optional).

10. Put a ring tone of a long, loud fart on your phone and tape it under a random chair in a meeting you are in before people come in. Have a friend call you 15 minutes into the meeting and watch what happens.

If you try any of these, post the result.

*** Not responsible for termination and/or other consequences of trying this at your place of employment. Try at your own risk! ***

New Beginnings

A Picture is worth a thousand words...

The Genesis

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it! This is the day that starts the rest of our lives, our generation and those to follow. We have effectively began the process of change, that will result in the development of a unified nation. From all angles, all walks of life, all races, genders, and sexual orientations and classes. The road to recovery has begun. The 2008 President elect is Barack Obama. The first lady is a strong, beautiful, and very centered Black Woman and the first family, for the first time, is creating an environment of positive change, and patriotism in the hearts and souls of the people who have long been forgotten.

I am proud to be of the millions who voted our man into office.

I'm speechless... and proud... and excited... and hopeful.

O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA!


until next time.

Election Day 2008

With so much talk about change during the last two years, one has to realize that a third of the job has already taken place. Consider the amount of voters who have been registered this year. Consider the spike in registered voters who have ventured out today, in the elements, waited in LONG lines, took off from work, traveled, to make sure they voted. More than ever in history. Consider that for the first time, an African American man, has a REALLY good chance at two-stepping his way into the Oval Office, to take up the most powerful position in the world. Consider the diverse audience in support of his policy. From blacks, to whites, and all in between, young to old, from all walks of life. Consider his policy, his position, to reverse the usual ways of government, typically driven by self-serving desires and run by the power of the dollar. That "my friends" is already a huge step taken. An example that proves Barack Obama has the power, the influence, the desire, and the drive to make change. We have seen him change things amazingly over the past two years. We will see him make change over the next 4-8 years. But the only way to do that is to get out and vote.

Barack Obama for President...

Until next time.

Sacrifice

Relationships are all about give and take, 50/50, and sacrifice. But when is enough, enough? I’ve recently had the fortunate experience of being sacrificed at a high emotional and financial cost by someone who consciously, or unconsciously, pinned me in a social corner. I say fortunately, because adversity has the lucky side effect of promoting wisdom. Not that I was a victim, but I was a student in the process and have now learned the art of escaping cognitive dissonance.

When forced to make a lose/lose decision, how can you be sure you are making the correct one? Any door you open will require a sacrifice. You have to decide whether the sacrifice you make crosses your personal boundaries. Because even dipping your big toe on the other side of the line is still crossing it.

Sacrifice, I have learned, does not mean cutting yourself in half for the fulfillment of another person. Even if he or she is a close friend or more. But sacrifice is merely postponing a selfish want in order to satisfy another person’s current need and knowing that reciprocity will be redeemed at a later date.

In the interim, "forgiveness is knowing that there could have been no different past." Fortunately for me, there will be a different future.


until next time.

The Countdown

The silly season of politics is reaching its peak as the election comes to a close, less than 24 hours before the polls open for citizens to vote. With the winding down of the most important, most life altering election, some people are getting quite creative with their shenanigans. From false fliers to ridiculous robo-calls, people-- mostly Obama supporters-- are becoming the victims of faulty information as a means to prevent us from going confidently to the polls to Barack our Vote. Some have been told that November 4th is the voting day for Republicans, while November 5th is the voting for Democrats. Some have found fliers in their doors, on their cars, or posted publicly stating lies about Obama and his alleged affiliations with terrorist groups, and even linking him to the Holocaust. (I can only roll my eyes and shake my head at this foolishness.) And at least one supporter has been threatened with deportation by a “private investigator”, sent by a fraudulent republican committee.

If you are one who has received a flier, a phone call, or an undesired visitor trying to convince you of arrest, deportation, or a switcharoo in voting dates, DO NOT FALL FOR IT. I repeat, DO NOT FALL FOR IT. These are all scare tactics, coming at the last minute in a lame attempt at trying to limit the voters who have the right to vote to exercise that right. Do not be manipulated. If you are registered (which I hope you all are), GO VOTE! There is NO excuse.

This is a time in our era that will determine the fate of the rest of the world, for the rest of time. We will be affected today…and our great-great-great-great-great-great grandkids will be as well.

With that, please take note of the following information for tomorrow’s election day.

Now, it is time to VOTE.

Things to remember on Election Day:

1. Get to the polls AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE.
2. If given a choice between some form of paper ballot and some form of electronic ballot, CHOOSE PAPER. If need be, paper ballots can be re-counted,
3. DO NOT wear Obama stuff to the polls. (This includes, buttons, hats,shirts, underwear, etc.) Don't chance it.
4. Expect LONG LINES. Be prepared. Dress warmly. Bring something to read, if you like. But leave anything written by Barack Obama at home. (Don't invite any unnecessary misunderstandings). Leave your gameboys, PSPs and other electronic devices at home (polling places tend to frown on these things).
5. STAY IN LINE. It is the most important line you've ever stood in. Make apit-stop *BEFORE* you go to the polls.
6. Get to the polls AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE.
7. If the ballot or the instructions are not clear, raise your hand, and ASK the election Officials. Each county will have something different, so make sure that you understand what you're doing. Don't guess. Don't assume. Don't be tricked by a "Butterfly Ballot".
8. No campaigning inside of the polls. Don't try to tell anyone how to vote. Don't discuss with anyone how you're voting.
9. Get to the polls AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE.
10. MOST IMPORTANT: Vote For Barack Obama (President) and Joe Biden (Vice President)
    

Be smart, and be safe!

Rain or Shine, Sleet or Snow, GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND VOTE!

(information provided courtesy of my good friend Aaron)

Fate

“I don’t believe in Fate”. My fun-loving friend boldly stated over the weekend as we discussed the current state of her relationship with her long-term boyfriend. She wondered whether it was worth remaining or better to leave. Given that the good and the bad tended to cancel each other out, she finds herself neither enthusiastic nor repulsed by the relationship. Based on my knowledge of her situation, I advised her to date around, not for the purpose of finding new love, per se, but for the purpose of growth. It is my intuition that they will ultimately be together, but there’s a period of personal expansion that she needs. Growing is fate. We’re all destined to be more than we were the day before. If you ask me, fate is certainly worth believing in.

We have very little control and only two choices in our entire life. We are born into circumstance and we exist in circumstance. We don’t choose the situations we ultimately end up experiencing. We only choose whether we’re going to experience the scenario painfully or peacefully. But regardless, we’re going to go through it. And that’s that. So basically, fate is a very real thing. I use the example of death. I’m going to die. You will too, if you weren’t aware. From now until then, I have two choices: 1. To live life to the fullest or 2. To live life controlled by limits. Those are our choices. In every situation, every day, every moment. My analysis of the situation is oversimplified as there are variables that effect how we make one of those two decisions, but the point is that there are only two. When you realize and accept that, you are then easily able to disassociate yourself with the petty dramas and self-created pitfalls that accompany the weather of life.

The weather will be what it will be. Some days it will rain. The simple solution is to remember your umbrella. Protective mechanisms can only help you so far. We create walls that provide a false sense of security from the “damage” that life’s harms create. But really there is no insurance from trauma. The act of “protecting” ourselves from adversity, only prevent us from developing. Take a breakup for example. Breakups suck! The ending of what you thought would last a lifetime (if not longer) can create a myriad of negative emotions. But really, what is an ending but a beginning in disguise? Often it takes a bit of time to realize this, but once you do, everything changes. Fate may be that you two are not meant to be, and if this is the case, no matter what you coulda, woulda, shoulda done will not change the outcome. The only thing you can do is decide what will happen within you. It’s natural to mope and sulk in the beginning of a trauma, but eventually (sooner than later) you have to actively decide that you are going to be fine. And before you know it, the sun comes out again.

I always say life is like a wave, sometimes you’re in the trough, sometimes you’re on the crest. Just ride the wave. There is no such thing as good or bad. There just is. Life is neutral; only your internal state of being can be good or bad. How you react to a situation determines the situation. Not the situation itself.

I am a believer. Not in life, love and the pursuit of happiness, but in fate. Que Sera, Sera. What will be, will be.

Until next time.

You Complete Me

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." - Raymond Hull

The film Jerry Maguire was made famous by an array of popular one liners that mimicked, if not, ridiculed the egoic existence of human experience. On one hand we have Cuba Gooding Jr. playing a rambunctious football star who, while jumping up and down, demands that Tom Cruise’s character show him the money. In a different scene we see Tom Cruise’s character make an attempt to display his affections for Renee Zellwegger’s character, by telling her “you complete me”.

You Complete Me.

Although the scene stealing gesture brought a mist to the eyes of the faint of heart, the words themselves have a great meaning beyond the surface of what they are intended to describe. On one hand it’s easy to believe that his You Complete Me, comment is merely a synonym for saying the other three words, I love You. If he were in love, he could’ve simply said, “I love you”. Makes for great reality, but apparently not good enough for TV. Now let’s assume this happens in real life. You partner says to you, “you complete me”. It would probably make you feel good, but should it? Wouldn’t this mean your partner is so fragmented in their own being, that they need you – a whole separate and completely different person - to make them whole? I think so. What about when your partner complains about you not completing them? When he or she needs you to alter your personality in order for them to feel, assured, secure, attractive, wanted, loved, or in some way satisfied for being in a relationship with you. Isn’t there something a bit wrong with that picture? What happened to the idea of accepting the person you are with, flaws and all?

We’re all perfect, in that we have strengths and weaknesses that create the whole person whom we are. If we were absent of flaws or absent of perfections, then we’d be imperfect. But that’s not the case for any of us. We all have positives and negatives and these combined traits are what create a balanced, whole, individual. Understanding that, we then meet a potential partner who we see as a whole person until we’re exposed to the flaws that we previously perceived as insignificant. Over time, infatuation no longer has the strength to hold up our perceptions as their flaws continuously unfold before our very eyes. Then we build this approach to changing the person’s negatives as a means to make our relationship with our partner more bearable. Isn’t it just the start of the end at this point? I mean we cannot shape and mold a person to be our ideal… We can only be our own ideal and hope that our efforts are reflected.

On one hand, change is necessary for every whole person who is a part of a pair. There are certain behaviors we have as singles that must be pushed out in order to be in a relationship. For example, we can’t have various relationships with multiple people if we are agreeing to being monogamous with one person. That’s a change that’s necessary for a relationship to flourish. But when a requested change is something like “I need you to be a more aggressive person because that would satisfy me more in this relationship” or “ I want you to speak to me the way my ex used to” , these are more examples of the personality conflicts that I have discussed in the previous paragraph. Understand also that these statements can be cleverly hidden in words that are less blunt but nonetheless abrasive. These are examples of the person needing you to complete them in order for them to be happy. The truth is that these are relationships that will be short lived.

Working on a relationship is required in order for it to be a lasting one, however, there’s an art in knowing that a relationship needs work, or needs to end. When someone used to do something and you miss it, requesting them to continue the behavior you’ve grown accustomed to, is working on the relationship. Asking them to do something totally different and unlike who they are, is not. If you’re unsure about how that person feels about you, simply ask. If they answer you, and you’re in a monogamous relationship, trust what they tell you. Maybe you like to hear it a lot and your partner isn’t prone to grand gestures of verbal expressions of love, but he or she is very giving of her time and affection. Pay attention to that. The story is the same, only delivered differently. Don’t assume that if they don’t say and do exactly what your personal guidebook describes, that they aren’t into you. You could just be reading the signals incorrectly. If it gets to a point where you are unable to deal with the difference in expression, then move on to someone who gives you what you want.

You can’t change a person. You can only accept and stay… or accept and leave.

Until next time.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

While watching an episode of Family Guy, Stewie, my favorite baby in the whole world, brought me to a realization about life. The Light at the End of the Tunnel.

At the beginning of life, or birth, we are exiting the womb and going toward the light of earth. At the transformation of life, or death, we are exiting the earth and going toward the light of the universe. But what about the time between those two events?

If life is a journey, then we are traveling through tunnels created only by our perceptions of the mind. We internally determine what the path is and the direction; whether towards the light (forgiveness) or away from it (bitterness). The irony of the beginning and transforming of life is that we have no recollection of the events while on earth. One reason being that as babies we simply don’t have the synaptic mass created in our brains during birth, thus no cognitive capability to memorize the event. The other is when we experience death, we are leaving the physical world; thus brain functioning behind. However, the interesting part is that while on earth, we are practicing the same activity that we experience in the beginning and the end. And we are doing this without knowing it.

I wonder if earthly life is designed for the purpose of teaching us to be prepared for the transition into the afterlife (and whatever occurs there). If we are able to let go of earthly trauma and understand that the light at the end of the tunnel is forgiveness and perhaps forgetfulness, then at the time of death, we will be able to transition easily into the spirit world from the physical world. Spiritual Evolution.

Hmm...

Who’d knew that a little cartoon character could shed light (no pun intended) on a major concept about life…

…

Until next time.

Questioning

Sometimes we have questions.

Where do babies come from?
Where is this relationship going?
Why do we have to learn geometry?
What if _______?

Typically, we ask them because we are unsure of the answer. However, there are times when we do have the answer, but we are in denial. We’ll ask the question hoping to get a different response than the answer we already know. Sometimes we can be in denial about positive things because we have a pessimistic point of view that convinces us an action isn’t in favor of our best interest. Ultimately the negative answer we keep searching for becomes the reality.

She kept asking me “what color is the sky”? I repeatedly answered, “Blue”. The first time, then again, then again. I told her the sky was blue, I showed her the sky was blue, I expressed multiples times, in multiple ways, that the sky was blue, and she still believed it was gray. Then today I said, “maybe I’ll have to figure out if the sky is gray; it just might be the case”. Then the gray sky came out and shown itself to her just as she wished. Her response was disbelief. She thought that I should have kept telling her the sky was blue, so that she could believe it. But the truth is, no matter how many times I show her the sky is blue, she will continue to believe it is gray. And so she got her answer.

And I got mine…

Until next time.

Motivation

Yesterday I exposed my existential crisis. The nagging little voice that has convinced me there's more. The boredom and lack of identifying life's purpose. I happened to come across a blogger's article who has some helpful tips on maintaining motivation.

I hope you find it helpful. I did.

Get Off Your Butt: 16 Ways to Get Motivated When You’re in a Slump

Until next time...

Existential Crisis

Ultimately the main thing that’s constant on earth is time. It comes and it goes. It’s been here before, here now, and it’s gone in a moment. It’s coming quickly, or not quickly enough, but it lies indefinitely ahead of us. It can’t be held, seen, tasted, touched, smelled, or sensed, but it’s there. Staring us in the face or trailing our heels as we push forward.

I make it a point not to wear a watch. This whole idea of rushing around to go nowhere is too disappointing for me. There’s a pleasure in taking time to do something, and I’ve taken to this semi-leisurely mentality. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel that, I need to be doing something with my time. Having spent 26 years on earth, I’m wondering what’s it all worth? What’s the point of this life? You work daily, you spend time with friends, if you’re lucky, you fall in love. Perhaps you explore the world. And then what? What is the purpose of waking up daily and going about the usual routine?

I’ve been told I’m going through an existential crisis and that I’m 25 years ahead of my time, considering middle aged people usually have this experience. As Americans we have a predetermined expectation of attaining success in our lives. Success is the ultimate level of satisfaction that one can reach, however the image of success is all skewed. “Financial freedom” is supposedly the end all be all of success and even though we have realized that money doesn’t equal happiness, the equation still remains the same.

The truth is that I’m rather bored. It’s difficult to find enthusiasm in most things. Kind of like a dried up, overused sponge. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to the story. Like I’m only getting the prologue and all the remaining pages are blank. If this were a road trip…I would be traveling down the long stretch of highway at night in pitch black darkness and only one operable headlight.

What happened to the passion and motivation? The days where I couldn’t wait to get started on a new day. Not wanting life to slip out from under me, I’ve decided to question… I believe introspection is the exact term. Any ideas on the how-to of introspection?

Until next time…

A Moment's Notice...

Sometimes relationships get ill….

That infamous line from The Roots, featuring Erykah Badu, is so simple, yet emits so much power. I’ve had my fair share of relationship drama, downfalls, and disasters, so if you’ve been through it, chances are I have as well. Why is it so easy to look into another person’s situation and analyze and break it down to its lowest common denominator, while it’s virtually impossible to look at your own and do the same?

I used to be single. I used to be selfish. I used to expect to remain that way for life. Now that has all changed. The possibility of marriage. The probability of offspring. The spending life together. The sharing of everything that used to be Mine. Where the ME was the forefront of my concerns, the WE has taken over. But at a moment’s notice, we could decide to end it all.

How do you know whether or not “me time” is actually, me minus you for the rest of my life time?

Baby don’t worry, you know that you got me….

Until next time…

The L Word

Today's blog is short...to the point. But it requires audience participation. So here goes...

What do you want to know about lesbians?

(BTW, I'm asking this question to gather ideas for a research project I'm doing, so please use this as a platform for open learning and teaching. Let's get an intelligent conversation started.)

Three little words... One BIG meaning

“…I'm a bitch...I'm a lover... I'm a child.. I'm a mother…"

You remember that old Alanis Morisset song right?

Those four phrases were on instant replay in my mind as I pondered these three little words... "Who Am I?".

Three little words... One BIG meaning. A meaning that ironically is not found in the language we use to define who we think we are. The very first labels we grow into are directly related to gender. Mommy is a girl and Daddy is a boy. Our vision via our eyes help us determine the other humans who are divided into these categories also. As we grow older, race or nationality begin to play into our understanding of ourselves and others. She is black, he is European, they are white. Increasingly, different aspects of who we believe we are create the characters we grow to become. But are we really ONLY caricatures of these limiting labels?

Ekhart Tolle, a leader in the spiritual teachings of human consciousness evolution, points out that humans, along with every other living being in the universe, have a deep knowing that resides in the inner core of the spirit self. He believes that we call ourselves, woman, man, lawyer, drug user, doctor, stripper, author, alcoholic, mother, daughter, father son, trauma survivor, however, we are none of these things. We are instead, physical beings manifested out of a higher consciousness of spiritual energy. This energy is also labeled for the purpose of communication. Some call this energy God. Some call it the Tao. Others have many names to describe its existence. One thing we all agree on, is that it exists.

Tolle believes that the person who is most in touch with himself is he who is in touch with this deep spiritual self. Like most spiritual concepts, this deep internal understanding is too complex to express in words. When you experience it, you know it. This knowing is invariably who you are. Tolle encourages us to connect with this spiritual self and identify with it, without attempting to cognitively come to a seemingly logical explanation of who we are. He states that, not knowing who we are, is knowing who we are. When you no longer need to provide an answer for the “Who Am I?” question, you are in fact, who you are.

How can you become one with the one you are? Almost every spiritual leader will first advise a student to learn to breathe. As Americans we are always in such a rush to do this, go here, think about this, talk about that, worry, worry, worry, go to work, get this done…etc, etc. In the midst of all of that, we forget to just breathe. My martial arts Master, Zhenkang Sun taught me that shallow breath is the first sign of death. The closer we get to the point of the dying, the more staccato our breathing becomes. So we first learn to breathe deeply. Breathing, like water, cleanses the state of our inner body. Our heart rate drops, our muscles relax, and more oxygen is carried to every inch of our body, particularly our brain. When our body is in a relaxed state, we are better able to access the functioning of higher consciousness wherein The Answers reside.

Think about it this way. Have you ever experienced a time when you were under great duress? When something major was going wrong in your life, and you couldn’t help but to ruminate over the issue trying to come up with an answer. Finally something convinced you to calm down and you entered a state of harmony. And finally, seemingly out of nowhere, the answer was revealed to you? Entering a state of peace through breathing provides the opportunity for these magical moments to happen all the time. Some people call this faith. Some call this God. Some call this luck. Ultimately it is just a person entering a state of peace. All of the answers to life’s woes lie in the solar plexus of each being. We just have to learn to tap into that space and become connected with the energy that exists there. The answer will mysteriously reveal itself to you. No worries, no logic, no pros/cons list. Just a deep knowing.

So rather than google your time away trying to find out who you are. Rather than worrying incessantly about whether you fit into this label or that label. Just breathe. Breathe deeply through your nose until your diaphragm is full and exhale slowly through your mouth until you feel your diaphragm empty. And repeat. Repeat as many times as you need to. Whenever you begin to feel anxiety of any sort. Breathe. The answer of to your question will arrive.

“Who Am I?” I ask.
“I Am”, I answered.

Until next time….

It's Nice to Finally Meet You!

Hello. Goodbye. The End.

My fundamental approach to most things are that the beginning and the ending are most important aspects of the "it". I'm good at both. When the middle comes into play, I usually like to run and hide. Or at least just take a nap. But for this blogging endeavor, I'll make an attempt to stick it out and create some juicy, interesting, "middle" for you all.

Let me start out by introducing myself. You can call me "G", No last name, like Madonna...and I'm out here just trying to savor my piece of the pie... well more like find it, bake it, then savor it. And anyone who has baked a pie, or slaved over a hot stove, or done anything remotely close to trying to make something edible out of things you find in a kitchen know how taxing it can be.

My intention in creating this blog is to open up my psyche for all the world (or just you) to see and hopefully find that I'm not the only one teetering on the brink of total psychological spontaneous combustion. I hope to connect with individuals who kneel before Fortuna in hopes that at the spin of her wheel, prosperity will be laid out ahead of us at the end of the red carpet.... or yellow brick road...whichever suits your fancy.

Well kids, I shall be off to go experience life. Lets see what life will return for tomorrow's viewing pleasure...

Until then!

G