"Just thinking about you. Wanted to say hello." Rang a random text from the ex.
"...silence..." My (non)response to the text.
Indifference is a beautiful thing. A true expression that proves you have completely moved on.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Funny Thing About Breakups
The funny thing about breakups is that you expect your world to come crashing down when (and if) it happens. But like the pheonix rising from the ashes, you always learn and move on. So I leave with this quick quote:
"I expected emptiness in the aftermath. Instead I found fulfillment in the freedom."
~G
Until next time...
"I expected emptiness in the aftermath. Instead I found fulfillment in the freedom."
~G
Until next time...
Friday, February 6, 2009
I believe in the power of the universe
I’m always surprised to find out that someone considers them self to be an Atheist. Generally these are people who are in fact sweet, intelligent, emotionally stable individuals. Too consider myself to be sweet, intelligent, and emotionally stable. But I am no Atheist. And after the unfolding of the last seven months of my life, I have NO DOUBT that there is SOMETHING “out there” that’s running this show. I’m not one of those “go to church three times a week and quote the bible every chance I get, converting folk to my religion” type. I’m just a person with perception who has the fortunate vision to see life unfolding in a manically methodical way.
If you take the time to sit back and watch, you’ll be amazed at how one piece came from the last and leads to the next. Nothing happens for naught. There is always an explanation because even the single most seemingly insignificant moment can have a sincerely profound effect on what may occur next. Just think of a time when you’ve said “What if I never had said/done/gone ______”. And think of the events that followed when you made the decision. We always talk about seeing the “big picture”. The funny thing about that is we always wish we could’ve seen it before we actually did. It never works that way. It would be too easy. Lessons are not intended for people who already know the information. They are for those of us in need of learning. We all learn the hard way. There is no other way to learn. And the things that occur are for the single purpose of learning something. You know you’ve learned it when you see the big picture. Like Freamon from The Wire said “…and all the pieces matter.” This is true in life in order to see the big the picture. For example, when you’re driving, you don’t just see the one car in front of you. You see the street, signs, all that is around you. This is the big picture. This is life. And this is not a sporadic thing. And these things don’t occur because somehow they magically appear out of nowhere. They occur because whatever up above has determined that in order for us to take the next step, we must take this step first. There are no skipping steps, and for those of us who make the silly mistake of doing so, we always fall back down to the bottom.
The Power of the Universe will ensure that your next step is available. But you have to open your eyes to see it. You have the free will to take it and you will be rewarded for your choice. Rewards come in what we may call good…or what we may call bad. But the truth is, there are no such things. Everything is neutral. When you open door number one…you get an answer. When you open door number two, you get an answer. They are neutral. One is not good and the other is not bad. Based on which you choose, you learn a lesson. This is the universe at work. Don’t fight the universe. You will lose. Believe in the power of the universe. Give in to the power of the universe. When the time comes, the big picture will reveal itself to you.
I believe in the power of the universe.
Until next time…
If you take the time to sit back and watch, you’ll be amazed at how one piece came from the last and leads to the next. Nothing happens for naught. There is always an explanation because even the single most seemingly insignificant moment can have a sincerely profound effect on what may occur next. Just think of a time when you’ve said “What if I never had said/done/gone ______”. And think of the events that followed when you made the decision. We always talk about seeing the “big picture”. The funny thing about that is we always wish we could’ve seen it before we actually did. It never works that way. It would be too easy. Lessons are not intended for people who already know the information. They are for those of us in need of learning. We all learn the hard way. There is no other way to learn. And the things that occur are for the single purpose of learning something. You know you’ve learned it when you see the big picture. Like Freamon from The Wire said “…and all the pieces matter.” This is true in life in order to see the big the picture. For example, when you’re driving, you don’t just see the one car in front of you. You see the street, signs, all that is around you. This is the big picture. This is life. And this is not a sporadic thing. And these things don’t occur because somehow they magically appear out of nowhere. They occur because whatever up above has determined that in order for us to take the next step, we must take this step first. There are no skipping steps, and for those of us who make the silly mistake of doing so, we always fall back down to the bottom.
The Power of the Universe will ensure that your next step is available. But you have to open your eyes to see it. You have the free will to take it and you will be rewarded for your choice. Rewards come in what we may call good…or what we may call bad. But the truth is, there are no such things. Everything is neutral. When you open door number one…you get an answer. When you open door number two, you get an answer. They are neutral. One is not good and the other is not bad. Based on which you choose, you learn a lesson. This is the universe at work. Don’t fight the universe. You will lose. Believe in the power of the universe. Give in to the power of the universe. When the time comes, the big picture will reveal itself to you.
I believe in the power of the universe.
Until next time…
Monday, February 2, 2009
How to Fight a Sociopath and Win
With all this talk about pathological liars and sociopaths and such, I've found myself knee-deep in internet and book research on the topic and I came across a blog written by a self-proclaimed sociopath. I found this article, particularly interesting: How to Fight a Sociopath and Win
The Truth about Truth
Even after all the clues have been put together, new questions continue to arise and the hole you thought was filling is really only growing larger. You can keep digging for new clues as each answer leads down a rabbit hole of additional questions and endless possibilities until you're inevitably involved in the situation you only wanted to remain an observer of. That's when you have to decide or at least realize that sometimes the best answer is no answer. You may never know the truth or the answer to top all answers (thus all questions) but maybe that's to your benefit.
They say curiosity kills the cat. A cliche that's anything but myth. That space in your mind left open to the possibilities may be better off than the one filled with the nagging memory of hardcore truth.
The wife infuriated by suspicions of her husband's philandering may find that not knowing is frustrating. But she may find it much harder to live after catching him in the act with his mistress. Question after question has an answer that's goes deeper into the malicious mystery. The memory of suspicion is short lived however the memory of truth never disappears. It manifests itself in every aspect of your life. For the wife, her ability to trust is shattered and she spends the rest of her life gluing the pieces together. She questions the motives of any man who approaches her. She questions the witty comment made by her boss, taking it personally as she is unable to distinguish whether or not he's crossed the line into sexual harassment. She questions herself and her ability to make sound decisions. She will forever engage in internal dialogue that causes her to question a person's motives.
Ignorance vs. Awareness.
Truth. The foundation of enlightenment or the gateway to emotional and psychological ruin?
They say curiosity kills the cat. A cliche that's anything but myth. That space in your mind left open to the possibilities may be better off than the one filled with the nagging memory of hardcore truth.
The wife infuriated by suspicions of her husband's philandering may find that not knowing is frustrating. But she may find it much harder to live after catching him in the act with his mistress. Question after question has an answer that's goes deeper into the malicious mystery. The memory of suspicion is short lived however the memory of truth never disappears. It manifests itself in every aspect of your life. For the wife, her ability to trust is shattered and she spends the rest of her life gluing the pieces together. She questions the motives of any man who approaches her. She questions the witty comment made by her boss, taking it personally as she is unable to distinguish whether or not he's crossed the line into sexual harassment. She questions herself and her ability to make sound decisions. She will forever engage in internal dialogue that causes her to question a person's motives.
Ignorance vs. Awareness.
Truth. The foundation of enlightenment or the gateway to emotional and psychological ruin?
Friday, January 30, 2009
An interesting thing about Liars
From Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. "Psychological Honesty": Even a pathological liar carries deep in his heart a desire for goodness and honesty and yet, because of painful emotional wounds, believes that the world never has, and never will, recognize his pain. And so, to hide that pain from himself, he uses all the lies he can concoct to hurl at the world as he runs in fear from his own goodness.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Why people lie — and how to tell if they are
If you are what you attract, what am I if I attract a pathological liar? Mere internet research provides too much, yet not enough information to the question “why do people lie?”. The results returned have provided so much insight into the generic reasons why people lie, such as to avoid punishment, or to preserve reputation. These examples are quite obvious in explaining the reason why someone would claim scoring a 1200 on an SAT when the truth is 1150. Or when a child claims to have not eaten the chocolate cake, ignorant of the evidence smeared around his mouth. But what about the adult who brazenly fixes her lips to speak a premeditated, multi-layered, cognitively complex misrepresentation of the truth? What is the explanation of that? There seems to be no easy answer. Of course one would admit that she’s hiding something. But of course that’s another one of those generic answers. What could a person have done, thought, said, or experienced that would cause them to go through such great lengths to intentionally hide it by lying about practically everything that came from her mouth?
Lying about some menial event in an effort to prevent an unnecessary conflict is one thing. Lying about your identity and all the makings of you is quite another. Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York Psychiatrist and contributor to the Today show, briefly explains the various levels of liars from those who tell little white lies – which in effect is all of human nature- and those who’s tale-telling goes quite a bit deeper under the surface. She describes those individuals who “lie a lot – and knowingly – for personal gain…may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder”. Most of us refer to this commonly as being a sociopath. Sociopath. The label has a very strongly negative connotation, usually referring to an individual who creates damage on a level unfathomable by a healthy human being. But does it have to be so drastic? Perhaps sociopaths exist all among us and function as we all do without creating the grave destruction that we may associate with say – a serial killer. But their dissociative behavior is no less disturbing, particularly when you find yourself hopelessly smitten with someone who unfortunately falls into this category.
If you are someone who has been involved either romantically or otherwise with someone like this, you may find yourself asking a host of questions. Why’s and When’s and How’s. But the answers never come. The only way for you to figure them out is to accept that you will never know.
This leads to my first question… If you are what you attract, what am I if I attract a pathological liar?
Your suggestions are welcome...
Lying about some menial event in an effort to prevent an unnecessary conflict is one thing. Lying about your identity and all the makings of you is quite another. Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York Psychiatrist and contributor to the Today show, briefly explains the various levels of liars from those who tell little white lies – which in effect is all of human nature- and those who’s tale-telling goes quite a bit deeper under the surface. She describes those individuals who “lie a lot – and knowingly – for personal gain…may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder”. Most of us refer to this commonly as being a sociopath. Sociopath. The label has a very strongly negative connotation, usually referring to an individual who creates damage on a level unfathomable by a healthy human being. But does it have to be so drastic? Perhaps sociopaths exist all among us and function as we all do without creating the grave destruction that we may associate with say – a serial killer. But their dissociative behavior is no less disturbing, particularly when you find yourself hopelessly smitten with someone who unfortunately falls into this category.
If you are someone who has been involved either romantically or otherwise with someone like this, you may find yourself asking a host of questions. Why’s and When’s and How’s. But the answers never come. The only way for you to figure them out is to accept that you will never know.
This leads to my first question… If you are what you attract, what am I if I attract a pathological liar?
Your suggestions are welcome...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Power Struggle
Relationships are like trying to find the perfect water temperature in your shower. It’s like you start off with perfectly heated hot water and then it becomes too hot so you turn on the cold faucet to even out the temps. And it always takes a few tries to get it just right. Eventually the cold takes over and you wonder if you've run out of hot water completely. That's what it’s like to see your other half unmasked. The petty squabbles, the random moments of passion, the changes in positive and negative energy...you never know what each moment will bring. Suddenly the excited haze fades and the sobering light of day parades around dressed as reality. I prefer the haze, even if it’s not real. At least it feels a helluva lot better. The consistency of knowing that I’m desired and not easily dispensable. The comfort of them finding your quirks cute even when you’re totally embarrassed by them. That’s pleasure. That’s also the “romantic” phase when everything is rose colored and sweet smelling. Before the reality of reality sets in and you realize that you’re both humans with habits that the other hates.
As a newbie in the relationship realm, I find this second (Power Struggle) stage to be anything but desirable. They claim there’s a pot-o-gold on the other side of this rainbow for those few who are strong enough to make it. I question my emotional fitness in this situation. I, being quite the sensitive type, find the nagging and change in tone a bit difficult to tolerate more often than not. Even when things feel good, the threat of stepping on a verbal landmine causes a sobering cloud to hover over the otherwise good vibes. Is this what I signed up for? The irony of the situation is that despite this discomfort, the desire to stay put remains. Fight or Flight manages to escape my biological composition during those awkward moments where voices are raised and eyes are rolled. And I always regret not doing something. Not saying something. Perhaps the road less traveled is quiet and thus leads to the pot-o-gold they claim is awaiting my arrival. I guess there is only one way to find out.
For now I’ll keep one hand behind my back, fingers crossed, with the other hand firmly planted in my mates.
As a newbie in the relationship realm, I find this second (Power Struggle) stage to be anything but desirable. They claim there’s a pot-o-gold on the other side of this rainbow for those few who are strong enough to make it. I question my emotional fitness in this situation. I, being quite the sensitive type, find the nagging and change in tone a bit difficult to tolerate more often than not. Even when things feel good, the threat of stepping on a verbal landmine causes a sobering cloud to hover over the otherwise good vibes. Is this what I signed up for? The irony of the situation is that despite this discomfort, the desire to stay put remains. Fight or Flight manages to escape my biological composition during those awkward moments where voices are raised and eyes are rolled. And I always regret not doing something. Not saying something. Perhaps the road less traveled is quiet and thus leads to the pot-o-gold they claim is awaiting my arrival. I guess there is only one way to find out.
For now I’ll keep one hand behind my back, fingers crossed, with the other hand firmly planted in my mates.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
If you want to know a person’s state, check her closets
As humans –wait, let me rephrase that, as Adult Humans—we have the uncanny knack and the insatiable desire to put our best face forward. We’ve been told that first impressions are lasting impressions and we’ve been told to live as though we are always being watched. And on one level that’s not such a bad motto to live by. Until the best face forward becomes a mask that we are unable to remove.
One fortunate side effect of a growing relationship is that over time your mask and your partner’s mask is removed and you see the real person. This can be a challenging time in a relationship’s lifecycle. But the good thing about that is after you reach the other side of that challenge you grow closer and more confident in your trust for your partner and their trust for you. Unless you never make it to the other side because of a breakdown in trust. An already relatively unstable relationship will surely crumble under the weight of accusations and arguments. Never did I think I would give up so much of myself to another person. Never did I think that after giving my trust, it would be ripped up in such a way. That’s what lying does to a relationship…it rips up the trust like a maxed out credit card being pushed through an industrial strength shredder.
Being the anally neat person that I am, I really appreciate a person who is neat…and she was. I found her home equally as comfortable as my own. Until I looked in her closet. She had one of those closets that can make you afraid to stand in front of it, lest you open the door and everything topples over you. And not just one…but ALL of them. Cabinets, closets, storage closets. They were all filled to the brim and practically running over. They were cluttered with stuff. Lots of stuff. It was my idea to help her clean her bedroom closet. I had helped her reorganize and store things so that she could easily find them… then the next day it looked as though nothing had changed.
This had me thinking about people and their habits. We all have them…good ones, bad ones, ugly ones… Some people drink, some shop, some eat, some workout, some do drugs, some cheat on their mates, some lie, some write, some paint, some sing, some pick their cuticles. The point is what we do externally can directly mirror what our internal emotional and psychological state is. She had a bad habit of lying. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing (picking). Her habit of lying can be seen in how she hoards and stores. My habit can be seen in how I pick my cuticles. Yes it’s disgusting to pick to your cuticles, but it has this amazing calming effect. So anyway, last night after allowing the last tear of breakup to fall, it dawned on me that lying tends to be a behavior we do to cover up something. If she were a habitual liar, then she must have held on to a lot of experiences, some old, some new, some good, some bad. Just like her overstuffed closets.
So if you want to know what a person’s emotional and psychological state is, look in their closets. If an otherwise neat person has a mangled array of crap in their closet, it’s probably safe to assume they have a mangled array of crap in their psyche.
One fortunate side effect of a growing relationship is that over time your mask and your partner’s mask is removed and you see the real person. This can be a challenging time in a relationship’s lifecycle. But the good thing about that is after you reach the other side of that challenge you grow closer and more confident in your trust for your partner and their trust for you. Unless you never make it to the other side because of a breakdown in trust. An already relatively unstable relationship will surely crumble under the weight of accusations and arguments. Never did I think I would give up so much of myself to another person. Never did I think that after giving my trust, it would be ripped up in such a way. That’s what lying does to a relationship…it rips up the trust like a maxed out credit card being pushed through an industrial strength shredder.
Being the anally neat person that I am, I really appreciate a person who is neat…and she was. I found her home equally as comfortable as my own. Until I looked in her closet. She had one of those closets that can make you afraid to stand in front of it, lest you open the door and everything topples over you. And not just one…but ALL of them. Cabinets, closets, storage closets. They were all filled to the brim and practically running over. They were cluttered with stuff. Lots of stuff. It was my idea to help her clean her bedroom closet. I had helped her reorganize and store things so that she could easily find them… then the next day it looked as though nothing had changed.
This had me thinking about people and their habits. We all have them…good ones, bad ones, ugly ones… Some people drink, some shop, some eat, some workout, some do drugs, some cheat on their mates, some lie, some write, some paint, some sing, some pick their cuticles. The point is what we do externally can directly mirror what our internal emotional and psychological state is. She had a bad habit of lying. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing (picking). Her habit of lying can be seen in how she hoards and stores. My habit can be seen in how I pick my cuticles. Yes it’s disgusting to pick to your cuticles, but it has this amazing calming effect. So anyway, last night after allowing the last tear of breakup to fall, it dawned on me that lying tends to be a behavior we do to cover up something. If she were a habitual liar, then she must have held on to a lot of experiences, some old, some new, some good, some bad. Just like her overstuffed closets.
So if you want to know what a person’s emotional and psychological state is, look in their closets. If an otherwise neat person has a mangled array of crap in their closet, it’s probably safe to assume they have a mangled array of crap in their psyche.
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