Why people lie — and how to tell if they are

If you are what you attract, what am I if I attract a pathological liar? Mere internet research provides too much, yet not enough information to the question “why do people lie?”. The results returned have provided so much insight into the generic reasons why people lie, such as to avoid punishment, or to preserve reputation. These examples are quite obvious in explaining the reason why someone would claim scoring a 1200 on an SAT when the truth is 1150. Or when a child claims to have not eaten the chocolate cake, ignorant of the evidence smeared around his mouth. But what about the adult who brazenly fixes her lips to speak a premeditated, multi-layered, cognitively complex misrepresentation of the truth? What is the explanation of that? There seems to be no easy answer. Of course one would admit that she’s hiding something. But of course that’s another one of those generic answers. What could a person have done, thought, said, or experienced that would cause them to go through such great lengths to intentionally hide it by lying about practically everything that came from her mouth?

Lying about some menial event in an effort to prevent an unnecessary conflict is one thing. Lying about your identity and all the makings of you is quite another. Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York Psychiatrist and contributor to the Today show, briefly explains the various levels of liars from those who tell little white lies – which in effect is all of human nature- and those who’s tale-telling goes quite a bit deeper under the surface. She describes those individuals who “lie a lot – and knowingly – for personal gain…may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder”. Most of us refer to this commonly as being a sociopath. Sociopath. The label has a very strongly negative connotation, usually referring to an individual who creates damage on a level unfathomable by a healthy human being. But does it have to be so drastic? Perhaps sociopaths exist all among us and function as we all do without creating the grave destruction that we may associate with say – a serial killer. But their dissociative behavior is no less disturbing, particularly when you find yourself hopelessly smitten with someone who unfortunately falls into this category.

If you are someone who has been involved either romantically or otherwise with someone like this, you may find yourself asking a host of questions. Why’s and When’s and How’s. But the answers never come. The only way for you to figure them out is to accept that you will never know.

This leads to my first question… If you are what you attract, what am I if I attract a pathological liar?

Your suggestions are welcome...