Ultimately the main thing that’s constant on earth is time. It comes and it goes. It’s been here before, here now, and it’s gone in a moment. It’s coming quickly, or not quickly enough, but it lies indefinitely ahead of us. It can’t be held, seen, tasted, touched, smelled, or sensed, but it’s there. Staring us in the face or trailing our heels as we push forward.
I make it a point not to wear a watch. This whole idea of rushing around to go nowhere is too disappointing for me. There’s a pleasure in taking time to do something, and I’ve taken to this semi-leisurely mentality. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel that, I need to be doing something with my time. Having spent 26 years on earth, I’m wondering what’s it all worth? What’s the point of this life? You work daily, you spend time with friends, if you’re lucky, you fall in love. Perhaps you explore the world. And then what? What is the purpose of waking up daily and going about the usual routine?
I’ve been told I’m going through an existential crisis and that I’m 25 years ahead of my time, considering middle aged people usually have this experience. As Americans we have a predetermined expectation of attaining success in our lives. Success is the ultimate level of satisfaction that one can reach, however the image of success is all skewed. “Financial freedom” is supposedly the end all be all of success and even though we have realized that money doesn’t equal happiness, the equation still remains the same.
The truth is that I’m rather bored. It’s difficult to find enthusiasm in most things. Kind of like a dried up, overused sponge. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to the story. Like I’m only getting the prologue and all the remaining pages are blank. If this were a road trip…I would be traveling down the long stretch of highway at night in pitch black darkness and only one operable headlight.
What happened to the passion and motivation? The days where I couldn’t wait to get started on a new day. Not wanting life to slip out from under me, I’ve decided to question… I believe introspection is the exact term. Any ideas on the how-to of introspection?
Until next time…
2 comments:
Well, well, well. How about that? Generation X, questioning the meaning of life. Isn’t that a kick in the ankle? Believe it or not, you’re just about right on schedule. I suppose many of the gen-x population are asking that same question. Truly 26 years is plenty of time to get it all in. Right? What’s left? It is sad to hear that you are bored. If I may borrow a line from a Temptations oldie but goodie, “Not a sad word should a young heart be saying”.
The simple truth is that as you grow up priorities change, for most of us. Partying all night and telling stories of how tore up you were and what you can’t remember tends to lose it luster at some point in time. You start to direct that energy towards other things. Being a part of something, making a change, a difference, an impression. It doesn’t have to be anything on a grand scale. Teaching your daughter/son, nephew/niece how to play a game of chess can be rewarding. I’m kind of short on good analogies now but I think my message is clear.
You’re growing up kid. Everybody does it. And contrary to popular opinion, growing up is not growing old! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQZNkzP4kYw.
I've had this feeling twice in my life; once when I was 21 and again when I came back from Germany/France a few months ago. At 21 I decided to push forward full steam ahead into IT. It's landed me where I am today with my own company, consulting and mostly (albeit with room to go) financially free. But when I returned from Europe a few months ago, I was reminded of that feeling I had almost a decade ago. This is part of the reason I decided to move down near DC next year, put a boost in my business and ultimately move to Europe for a while. I want to experience it for more than a week; more like a few years. My point is you have to figure out what it is that you want out of life. Is it travel? Is it a career and success? It is home, 2.5 children and a dog? Is it all of the above? My recommendation is to go get a good massage and meditate. Or take a bubble bath and let you mind and heart tell you a story. Without fear, resistance or hesitance, let loose and listen for a while...good luck :-)
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